What If?
by Dark McCloud
Summary: What if...Felix was high maintence? ...Mia was in a cult? ...The GS Gang hated Nintendo! A series of short vinettes from the author insane enough to ask the question What if...?.
1. It all begins

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Golden Sun related. Enjoy.

"What if…?"

oOo

_Alright, so we all know that one of our favorite Venus adepts, Felix to be precise, is the silent sufferer. Always calm and serious, he leads his team of fighters to victory against the Proxians time and time again. He is also a firm believer in that magic spot on the floor where you can throw your cloths, and have them appear clean and folded the next day._

_But, what if…_

_Felix was high maintence? _

"No, no, no! Don't put that there, put that _there_!" Felix yelled angrily, snatching a vase of tulips out of Isaac's hands and placed it on a table, adjusting it until it was perfectly in the center. "Can't you do anything right?"

Felix, sighing, walked in to the kitchen, hoping for some peace and quiet, and maybe some fools that could do stuff his way as an added bonus.

"Alex! How many times do I have to tell you? Knife on the right, _fork_ goes on the left!" Felix ranted, pointing to the table settings.

"Alright, alright!" Alex yelled back, snatching up the table settings. "High maintence much?"

A glare form the Venus adept sent Alex back to the table, deciding he didn't want to be on the receiving end of Felix's Ragnorok.

Picard heard the exchange outside and started to discretely rearrange the silverware drawer while keeping an eye on dinner, boiling on the stove. Ivan slid into the kitchen, snuck to the fridge, grabbed the gallon jug of juice, and was about to make a good, clean escape when a rampaging, neat freak Venus adept turned on him. "And you!"

Ivan froze, deer in the headlights look plastered on his now pale face, and he clutched his prize protectively.

"If you're going to get up at strange hours of the morning to make toast, please empty the crumbs out of the toaster. The last thing we need is ants!"

"Yessir," Ivan squeaked, and tried to plot out an escape route while Felix continued lecturing.

"And what if those crumbs caught on fire? Then we'd have a flaming toaster, and what would we do then?" Felix stared down at Ivan who trembled with fright.

"…put it out?" Ivan squeaked.

Felix's eyebrow twitched. "With one of my newly washed towels no doubt! Dismissed!" Just as Ivan was about to make a getaway, Felix called after him, "And use a glass for that juice!"

Dejected, Ivan slunk back into the kitchen, poured a glass of the juice, and exited again. He settled down in front of the TV. Felix's head popped around the corner, and a coaster came flying at Ivan's head. "Don't forget the coaster!"

"Thanks," Ivan said dryly.

"Don't you think you're being a little harsh on him?" Isaac asked, entering the room.

"Is it my fault that I want this house to look presentable!" Felix yelled.

"…presentable to whom?" Alex muttered as he slunk by. Felix glared at him.

Meanwhile, Ivan, juice glass in hand, continued his channel surfing, thinking that maybe he didn't need to watch his daily soap operas, as one was going on right here in this house. Suddenly, one of his djinni jumped up next to him.

"Ah! Gust!" Ivan said, and in his shock, dropped the juice glass. "Crap!"

Ivan hurriedly jumped off the white couch that he had just managed to spill grape juice all over, and began tugging at the cushion. He managed to get it off and flipped it over, only to find out that the juice had bled through to the other side.

"What's going on?" Alex, Picard, and Isaac entered the room, hearing Ivan's cursing. All eyes fell on the couch, and Ivan's death warrant was signed.

Felix entered the room, drying his hands on a dishtowel. "See? Doesn't it feel good to have the house all clean?"

Silence. Felix followed their gaze, and saw the couch.

"ARG!"

oOo

_Mia, the ever pious and dutiful healer. She never drifts towards the path of evil._

_But what if…_

_Mia was in a cult?_

"Hey, Dora? Have you seen my robes?"

"I threw them in the wash with some bleach, dear. I just can't seem to get those bloodstains out!" came the reply in the next room.

"Ah! That was a black robe!"

Dora blinked. "Oh, the black one's yours? That's folded on the washing macine. I guess that white one with the hood must be Picard's."

Mia quickly slipped the robe over her head as she ran to her room. She grabbed some cultish-looking jewelry and a backpack, stuffing the jewelry and a few knives into it.

"Hey, Isaac," she said as she exited into the room, bumping into the blonde. "Do you know where I could find some innocent virgins?"

Isaac thought for a moment. "Have you checked Alex's bedroom?"

"Yep."

"Hmm. I'd try the dance academy next door. That's where Alex gets his."

"Thanks! I'll go there, then to the meeting." Mia ran down the stairs as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!"

"Would you like to buy some of my cookies?" a little girl in a Girl Scout uniform asked.

Mia grabbed the girl's hand. "Never mind, Isaac! I'm going straight to the meeting!"

oOo

_Being from a video game themselves, the Golden Sun Gang are all hardcore video game fans. _

_But, what if…_

_The characters from Golden Sun hated Nintendo?_

The djinni Flint, Forge, Gust, and Fizz sat glued to the TV, each with a GameCube controller in front of them. They were in the middle of a heated race down Mute City in F-Zero GX. Picard, hearing the various crashes associated with F-Zero hover cars, entered the room to see what the djinni were up to.

"Are you playing that Nintendo crap again?" Picard asked, snatching up Flint's controller. Flint whimpered as Dr Stewart smashed the Golden Fox into a wall, destroying Flint's lead over the other racers.

"Picard!" he whined as Death Anchor crossed the finish line in first, and Gust did a victory dance.

The Lemarian shook his head in disapproval and unplugged the GameCube from the wall. All four djinni began to cry. "Silent, minature creatures. Ivan and I shall show you REAL games."

The said adepts sat down with a deck of cards, and began to play Go Fish. The djinni, after watching ten minutes of their fierce battle to collect four aces, decided to go elsewhere to find some Nintendo goodness to fill their hearts with. They came upon Isaac, Garet, and Jenna sitting at a table, arguing over something. Flint and his comrades jumped up on to the table, looking down at what the adepts were doing.

"My red gingerbread dude so owns your green one," Garet said, kicking Isaac's green playing piece with his own red one.

"Oh yeah? Well my green dude is king of Candy Land! Just like me!" Isaac laughed.

"But I bear such a striking resemblance to the Sugar Plum Fairy. She's my idol!" Jenna exclaimed.

"…Jenna, that's the Nutcracker Ballet."

"Oh yeah."

Still Nintendo deprived and now scarred for life at the thought of Isaac and Garet playing Candy Land, the djinni continued on their journey. But the next room wasn't much better, as Mia and Sheba were playing Chinese Checkers, though they were mostly chasing the marbles around the room as they found out the hard way that they didn't stay on the board.

Just as the djinni were about to give up hope, they heard noises coming from Felix's room upstairs. They ran up and slid under the cracks of the door.

"Hey Felix, and Alex," they chorused, seeing the Venus and Mercury adepts sitting in front of the TV. "What are you guys doing?"

Felix turned and looked at them. "What else? Playing Nintendo, of course!"

oOo

The End! For now…

A/N- I was bored. What else can I say? Don't flame me too badly?

Stay tuned next time for: What if…Dark McCloud wrote a sequal? Including: What if Picard had bling? What if Garet was a teen idol pop star? What if Dark McCloud owned Golden Sun! …Amoung other things. Enjoy, and Review please?


	2. In which Alex requests a grenade launche

What if…

Part 2

The only story that dares to ask the question, "What if?".

Author's note: Yes. This is a very short update, but its an update none-the-less. I'm working on more though, so hopefully the next updates will be a little longer.

_Thanks for over 130 hits (according to FFN's stat counter) _

oOo

_Alright, so most of the Golden Sun fanbase agrees that Alex probably leans a little to the left. For those that don't speak figurative-ese, he's gay. Seriously. He has longer hair than the author (Who hasn't cut hers in about six years) and refuses to get his hands dirty. _

_But what if…_

_Alex was a manly man?_

"Gimme a steak! Raw!" Alex yelled at Ivan as he stormed through the kitchen.

"Get your own steak," the Jupiter adept returned coolly.

"Listen you wimpy pansy, my football is on! A manly sport!"

"…whatever."

"And I want a grenade launcher!" Alex added as he headed for the exit.

"Why?" a confused Ivan asked, blinking several times.

"Why ask why? Drink Bud dry!" Alex shouted, pumping his fist in the air.

(_"Alex, please refrain from making beer advertisements in my story," said Dark McCloud, glancing up from her mad typing.)_

"Now you've gone and aggravated the author!" Ivan yelled, pulling his hair out. "We're doomed!"

"What's this I'm hearing about a grenade launcher?" Isaac asked curiously as he entered the room.

"Alex," Ivan replied, searching to see if they had any steak. "He requests one."

"…to do what?" Isaac raised a golden eyebrow.

"Are you sure you want to ask that?"

"Probably not."

Meanwhile, Alex was sprawled out on the couch, several beer cans and chip bags littering the floor. Jenna entered the room, eager for her daily soaps. Needless to say, she was rather annoyed.

"Alex!"

When he didn't answer, she picked up the remote control and snapped off the TV.

"What the hell?" the irate bluenette demanded. "(insert football player here) was just about to score (insert something good that happens in football here)!"

"Well I want the TV," Jenna said, readying her staff and moving into a fighting position.

"Normally I don't beat up girls I'm not going out with, but for this I'll make an exception," Alex said, drawing his mace.

Was he, Alex the Manly Man, scared of a little girl? Of course not.

Small sparks began shooting out of Jenna's eyes, roasting small objects in the room. With a fierce battle cry worthy of an Amazon woman, she lunged at the bluenette.

Was he, Alex the Manly Man, scared of a little girl? Yes. Very.

Alex ran out of the room, screaming, and Jenna claimed his place on the sofa, settling down for her soaps.

"And where's my grenade launcher?" Alex yelled as he ran away.

-o-

Yes. That was…interesting. Stay tuned next time for epics such as: What if…Picard had bling? Garet was a teen idol pop star? Dark McCloud owned Golden Sun? …amoung other things. In the mean time, review? Reviews make me happy.


End file.
